People deal with aging differently. Some are in complete denial; refusing to acknowledge their limitations (physical or mental) and pushing their bodies beyond their capacity. Others are in a continuous struggle with aging. They spend most of their time trying to hide their wrinkles and gray hair. Very few embrace their natural growth and enjoy all its colors.
For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be older than my true age. I was never happy with who I was at any stage of my life. Age was always associated with maturity in my mind. And I never felt I’m mature enough. I only found peace with myself when I reached 40. I think this was when I really began enjoying life instead of fighting it; celebrating who I am instead of struggling with shortcomings.
This is not to say that I matured :p But I realized that maturing is a process and not a destination. And it definitely has nothing to do with age!
When I reached 40 I realized that I lost valuable time complaining and fussing about all what is wrong in the world. Now that my time is much shorter, I spend more time looking for successes, celebrating achievements and seeking bright spots. I think some may consider me silly or not as “serious” as people my age should be .. but I really don’t care what they think. Life is too short :)
That is not to say that I am careless or selfish. But I learned to give everything in life its share of attention and energy. I also learned to set priorities in my life and to keep these priorities in check. Last but not least, I came to peace with the fact that I will never have the answer for anything!
You only hurt yourself when you're not expanding and growing. Many people can't stand the thought of aging, but it's the crystallized thought patterns and inflexible mind-sets that age people before their time. You can break through and challenge your crystallized patterns and mind-sets. That's what evolution and the expansion of love are really about. ~ Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart ~
My Question: As the young and beautify people of today, what do you recognize of your judgments, biases, shame, or fears of aging?
32 comments:
Age has no significance to me, other than experience and maturity. Yet, I always felt a mature person, even in my teens, be it a naughty teen ;)
Yet, at times I yearn for certain naughty age, I call those “the golden age”, mostly late teens and early twenties.
My dad had always said; don’t judge me by my white hair; see how black is my heart ;)
Dear Ummle3yal (Allah eykhaleehom),
Last week I was asked how old am I and I literally took some time to remember!! I'm completely ignorant of my age so do that of others. I have a friend who's 17 years older than I am and my youngest friend is 8 years younger than myself. And believe it or not I never realized the age difference and it never ever negatively affected the friendship.
On another perspective, I play hide and seek with my kids and I run like them and grin like them! :)
I feel I am still that little child who was spoiled in good ways.. I dont want to ever grow up to be too serious and fake :/
I am in my thirties but people never guessed it, they always say I look like I'm 27 at the most not because of my looks but because of my spirit.
Age in "you" is manifested in your broad knowledge and depth.. You are multidimensional and shrewd and that is unique and clearly makes one heck of a blogger ;)
Love,
Geish@
Saw the video, it was extremely touching, what a brilliant choice.
Ok, ur post was a much needed wake up call for urs truly :) as this very morning i was at uni & for some reason i was feeling really old.
It all started when a group of freshmen or juniors (who pretty much looked like my group back in the day)...were talking in a loud voice next to me (yes i was NOT eavesdropping :P) anyway....snippets from the conversation:
"Yeah guess what flan imghatir"
*Insert loud burst of laughter from everyone here*
"Oh really?!"
"YOUR JOOOKING"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And so on......(probably lasted a good 5 minutes)
"But ive never ever seen him gatir before, not even for national day, he only ever wears dishdasha, he dash-dish's"
*Insert loud burst of laughter from everyone here*
And all i could think of was what was sooo funny? What was the big deal about wa7id imghatir? Here they were laughing at silly things and i was worrying about deadlines & presentations. Once upon a time i would have a huge final exam, not studied a word & i would go into the exam smiling like there was no tommorow. Now im a MESS before every exam. So i guess thats one of the lines that separates youth from the older.
So ur post put me back in to persepective i guess, tawny yahil!
As for biases & fears, i have always hated wrinkles & all other signs of physical aging & i dont see myself changing my mind about them any time soon. My mission is to look like the movie stars when they hit 40 & 50, chinhom 20 yr olds.
But when it comes to aging, mentally or socially (husband,kids, grandkids) i have no fear at all & the thought excites me and i cant wait!
(P.S. my dad mithlich...he always says his age +1 or 2 years...he loves being 'old'.)
Hi Everybody!! What a great morning with all of you in it .. Love You!
JoA,
Mabrooook! One more "first comment" and you get store credit ;)
I am truly sorry about your tragedy. And I think I know how you feel. "I wish this is a nightmare and I wake up out of it soon". But, as painful as it feels it is an opprtunity for you to grow. I wish you'd share more details with us so we can explore the "bright" side of it. I truly believe in the saying: "that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".
Ayya,
What stops you from being childish and naughty every now and then? It's fun and liberating :)
My regards to your father .. LOL
Geish@ .. my new best (virtual) fried,
I feel you described me in every word you said. You would never guess my age from my friends, behavior or looks ;)
My best friend and my sister is 10 years younger than me. And people ask which one is older! I keep telling them we're a twin and she hates me for it .. LOL
Children are may favourite anti-aging therapy ;)
Q. What is it that you worry about or fear most when you think about your 60's?
DR,
I loved the video and felt compelled to share :) Then the topic of the post surfaced! I'm so glad you liked it!
My motherly "pearls of wisdom": Be your age (in whatever way you see it) and enjoy life. Just make sure you have the right balance; acheivement and fun.
Wrinkles will appear if you worry about them.. trust me ;) But when they appear in the right time, love them!
My advice for minimal wrinkles: less makeup, no smoking, lots and lots of water and some form of stress management routine ;)
As for the movie stars .. that a whole new post :))
Proletarian,
Sorry dear about your knee :( Sounds painful. But maybe that is your body's way of asking you to settle down and relax.
Gray hair and failing body parts are hard to control. But your "mental age" is all yours. YOU choose to be old or young.
My BSc and early career was in engineering :) At 42 I decided to get a degree in Psychology and this is what I did. Can you imagine the age gap between me and my fellow classmates? But I saw that as a great opportunity to feel and be young! I can say the same about blogging ;)
When I'm goofing around with children is when I feel the youngest and most energetic, just as Geish@ said.
You are right, time is ticking and life is too short. I felt like you when I was in my 30's. But then I realized I am wasting valuable time worrying about time :) So I stopped worrying and began doing what I wanted to do before I die.
So, take your vitamins, exercise in moderation, watch you diet .. but most importantly ENJOY LIFE and stay forever young :)
JoA,
The worst that can happen to anybody is losing a loved one. That was my original post before I saw the video. But even that we can survive and carry on living.
What can be worst than that?
me too,
i've always wanted to be older than my age, i looked older, had older friends, and lived a lifestyle of people much older than my true age....now im 35 pushing for 40 lol
what did i gain with age ! i guess better time management, clear vision, i set goals and priorities, and live my life happily regardless of what im facing....
wish you 6olt el 3omor, good health, and happiness
"the way we were " <--- nice movie ( robert redford & barbara striesand " :)
Fuzzy,
Just 35 and already msali3 ;) 7raaam!
I love the "Way We Were" .. one of my favourites. Anything with Robert Redford is beautiful ;p
You seem to be developing wisdom with age. This is great! Any signs of mid-age crisis?
I wish you long,prosperous, happy and healthy life :)
JoA,
You speak Arabic, English, French and Hieroglyphic! Very impressive :))
Ummel3yal.. My favorite cyberpal :*
you asked me a question.. What do I fear of the 60s?
I fear that I would loose my health which is already diteriorating! I am 100% healthy but not fit :/ My heart beats are fast and I need to excercise my torso :p
other than that, I fear none! But i'll tell you one thing I REALLY fear the most.. I fear my kids will grow up and desert me :( I'm very much attached to them and I know there will be a day where I'm going to have to let go and that scares the hell out of me.
What about you? Do you fear that?
Love,
Geish@
UmmEl3yal
lol la wallah hathy esha3a, jeddami cham sina before going bold :P
wisdom !!! maybe im going conservative hehehe..... mid-life crisis hmmmm well my factory warranty is over, some parts going bad already - not my hair though- thanks for the wishes :)
JOAN OF ARC
hmmm hmmm ok
Geish@,
When I had my first son and began bonding, I declared to all that "I hate his wife already" .. LOL and I meant it then. I could not imagine the day that he will leave me and love someone else more than me!
My children's first days in school, their first sleepovers, my first business trips away from them are all burnt in my memory because "I" had more seperation anxiety than they did :)
Then, and during a dicussion with my eldest, I realized I don't just love them, I "need" them. This triggered a major change in my life but it's a VERY long story :) In short, I learned to seperate my love from my need. I also managed to love them all more than anything in the world but without depending on them emotionally. we can go through the details of all that by e-mail if you wish :)
I also have a general fear of being a burden on anyone. So when I'm really old I don't want them to feel responsible - I am looking for a retirement home in Tuscany :)
So to answer your question, I know how you feel. Been there but over it - I think ;)
How old are your children? That might be a factor too. The more they grow and the more independent they become, the more you will enjoy it :)
In all cases there should not be a reason for them to "desert" you. Is that what you're worried about? or just letting go?
Anon,
Ok?!! Thanks, but your contribution came a week late and to the wrong blog :))
KM could have used it then ;)
Fuzzy,
I know!! I so wish I can see your githla that needs fair to straighten out. You remind me of el mofidi in Bsa6 El fagir :))
Being "conservative" or more religious as we grow is our typical defense mechanism against change and the unknown.
And, btw, I love your "logo" :))
UmmEl3yal
hehehe la wallah its not a defense mekaneeka :P its more like " mallait " lived a full life el7amdellah, now im more family oriented :)
and yes it comes with age, or maybe lack of energy ! although i load my system with litres of coffee daily, but still! maybe cuz i lack the cookies ? :P
regarding the flag, it symbolizes many things, our current geographic borders, other borders set in our minds, borders set by governments, and last its a symbol for P.O.W's
JoA Bint 3ami :)
I thought we agreed to disagree ;)
When we are young we are typically care free. We believe nothing bad will happen to us and that we know it all. As we grow we realize we have no control over anything. We realize our limitation and our mortality. And this is scary to all of us. Even prophets worried about their death!
When we are scared or worried of what we don't know (otherwise known as the unknown) we (humans) tend to take shelter at the familiar places where we feel safe: family and tadition. This is a universal behavior. The cultural differences is in how we define "family" and "tradition".
Hope that clears what I meant. Not sure how the ( رأس ماليين وميكافيلين) came into the picture :))
Fuzzy,
Your flag represents to me our mental prisons and the constrains we set on ourselves. I truly love it!
Have you ever written about your POW experience? Which group were you? I have many friends and family members who were taken as POWs. Most did not return yet :(
I wrote a long comment and my connection went dead and I lost it all :(
Anyway gotta go to lejyam now and shall see u later inshallah..
I've sent you my email on your gmail acc. feel free to contact me and enlighten me with your wisdom at all times :)
Love,
Geish@
Life is short. It was only yesterday I was 16 and listening to "Duran Duran."
It goes by very, very fast.
20s are when indulge: eating, smoking, staying up etc, thinking of possible potential partner.
30s are when we slow down and become career fixated, family responsibilities, inner turmoil, trying to find yourself.
Late 30s/40s: Your body begins to pay for the indulgences of your 20s and maybe 30s, but peace of mind, tangible not unrealistic objectives beging to materialize, thoughts of mortality and prioritizing begin to take hold.
That's it in a nutshell although many people are different.
Geish@,
I can't promise wisdom :) But will share what I think I know :))
JoA,
:*
Amer,
Duran Duran !! Wild :)
Very true to most :) At the ages of 2 , adolescence and 30-40 we "shed our old skin" and re-examine who we are. These stages can be very rough for some. But once we're out of the last one in a healthy and positive way, we begin to really enjoy life.
Any regrets? Future worries?
UmmEl3yal
yes, my first blog entry was about POWS's titled صوت العقل
we were رابطة أهالي الاسريlocated in Hawali.
joan of arc
what are you on ?
Fuzzy,
Loved your POW post. I had to comment there .. sorry :)
This is one of the issues that was worst handled by our goverment. Hope we all get some form of closure soon.
*ahem* Salam 3alaikom, y'all..
UmmEl3yal lemme first apologise for not visiting your blog sooner, and allow me to take this opportunity and congratulate you on such a wonderful and amazing blog. I've only read the first post, watched the video and read most of the comments (couldn't read the rest.. darb darb mashallah hehe. Girl, I love what I read and saw :D and I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg :)
Now, the *aging* issue.. where do I begin.. hmmm....*shucks* I forgot <- that's how old I am. I have a gold-fish memory hehe
Seriously, I have so many chapter to say about age and aging, but I'll settle for this for now :)
I'll always be nostalgic for "the way we were", every passing year of my life, but I'm constantly loving what I have become and look forward for more. Someone once said: "if I have to live my life all over again, I'll do the same mistakes, only sooner". I would totally do that, with all its happiness, misery and heartbreak. I would only change ONE thing! Not lose my most loved one, or at least show more appreciation.
Great post, UmmEl3yal, gonna be a regular inshallah :)
Witty Dear,
7yach allah in our diwaniya .. Zaratna elbaraka :*
I totally agree on repeating the mistakes .. How else do we learn and appreciate life? For me, I might do more mistakes :)) I was too nice in my childhood and teen years!
I also agree that the things we would regret are the things we did not do and not the things we did and failed. Showing love and appreciation, saying "I love you" and giving sicere and warm hugs to those we love are things we can never do enough.
7yach allah everyday. I totally need your input for my next post ;) Bring the cookies and I will bring the tea and 7ab :))
Dear JoA,
This is a long discussion that will need a seperate post. Only the families of the POWs know the details of the Goverment shortcomings in this area. We never wanted a political confrontations with the Goverment put at times we had to. I advice you to check the National Council records, especially the council's comittee for POWs.
The families began working on this issue during the invatsion, especially those of us who were the "samidoon". Right after the invasion (رابطة أهالي الأسرى) and (الجمعية الكويتية للدفاع عن ضحايا الحرب) were formed and did great progress with the limited resources. The first thing the goverment did was to fight these groups without a viable alternative.
The DNA testing is not the Kuwaiti goverment invention. I KNOW that an American NGO offered to send 40 doctors back in 1991 to test the remains in Kuwait and identify the victims FREE OF CHARGE. The Goverment put a lid on that for about 10 years and only got interested in the concept 6 years later under the attack of the Assembly. Now the samples are much older and contaminated and the process is commercial which means it takes longer time for a hell more cost.
As I said this is a long discussion and this is not the right place to talk about it as it's not relative to our post topic. But thank you for giving me an idea for my next posts.
waiiiiiiiiih, the post started with a topic and diverted so many times i have a topic.
Joan of Arc,
my fellow ADD patient...
1. Conservative has nothing to do with being religious. I can get more conservative in terms of spending, clothing, type of music I listen to...etc. This does not in any way mean I get more religious. Focus wennabi
2. POW issue: yes long issue and not our topic, until Ummel3yal posts something about it (which I'm sure will add great value to all of us), please do your homework. A little research to know what they could have done and didn't. What opportunities presented themselves on silver platters but they chose to ignore it. then go ahead and judge. 7alat el araf elli 3ind 90% men el nas ma yat men shwayya.
ADD=Attention Deficit Disorder
Ummel3yal,
what I fear most at 60? is that i won't be able to move the way i do now. I'm too hyper to be limited physically. That will absolutely depress me. Mentally, I'm sure i'll be just the same lol
fuzz
I have always loved your logo too :-*
ummel3yal,
sorry for hijacking. shma3na temitwir? :-)
correction:
waiiiiiiiiih, the post started with a topic and diverted so many times i have a headache.
see what i mean about not fearing what will happen to me mentally?
meh, see? not boring posts after all :-p
I've always had problems dealing with people my age, and was always told that I'm beyond my age (which was not always said positively) so I always try to "hang out" with the older crowd ... which makes me look like a smug for my peers but blah :-p
And all the you're-beyond-your-age talk might not be true afterall; it might be people's way of saying "you're weird"
And I loved your masks post ... Fedo, Sedna and I started a blog and named it masquerade and it sort of talks about the whole masks issue in what we hope to be a creative way, hehe.
Keep posting, you!
arfana
cheers
Arafana & JoA ..
I can take only one ADD patient at a time ;)
Arfana,
Thanks love. You are welcome to hijack the place whenever you want to ;)
As for growing old, you're welcome to join me in Tuscany. There no one will mind if we lose it :)
JoA,
I promise to write about the POWs soon. But to quickly answer your question: there were many mass graves in Kuwait (mainly in schools) that could have been tested earlier. Something you would have known if you really had a POW or missing person and/or you were involved. And yes, samples get old and get contaminated which can lead to inconclusive results.
ScalO,
Hi there :) Where have you been? It's been a while ;)
"Weird" is another word for "special" :) It's always good to be special!
Hello all..
Just wanted to ask is it confusing here or it's just me and my flue?
Kindly answer ASAP as am starting to black out.
Geish@,
It is getting messy and off track. Sorry about that :(
I guess this is a sign to move on ;)
Feel better soon and see you in the new post :)
JoA,
You ADD is contageous .. LOL
We'll continue this in the right time and place ;)
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